Acceptance

This past week was Halloween. Halloween has always been one of my favourite days of the year. Decorating, usually a party, and of course Halloween themed food. The past few years Halloween has been bittersweet for me. The build up to the day was always fun, but then come Halloween day at 5 o'clock when the trick or treaters start I would feel my heart sink a little. I would open the door, give the kids candy, and close. This year was different. This year I enjoyed giving out candy and when the night was over I didn't cry.

I know I have said this before about the weight being lifted, but it's crazy how your thinking can change. If you would have told me last year that I would have been okay with NOT being able to carry children, I would not have believed you. Obviously when I see a pregnancy announcement or a baby belly I still look at it differently than most, but it doesn't get me worked up in hysterics like it used to.

I looked up the stages of grieving. Now some websites said there were 5 stages, and others said there were 7, others said we all deal with things differently and might not have (or have more) than those steps. But they all agreed that it eventually leads to "acceptance". Although we didn't get there at the same time, Pat and I both now accept that we will not be able to have our own children. With acceptance comes the ability to move on, the ability to take that next step.

Halloween, Easter, Christmas... these are days that we won't be afraid to celebrate anymore. We no longer see these days as a reminder of not having children, but as a day that we will make awesome, and memorable for our family.